Need a Laugh?

When I was in eighth grade, my junior high instituted a daily practice of “SSR,” or Silent Sustained Reading. Being an avid reader and a huge advocate for children reading as much as possible, I also instituted this policy during my first year of teaching, except that I ingeniously thought to call it "DIRT," for Daily Independent Reading Time. Unfortunately, this acronym only served to confuse everyone and garner loads of questions for a nervous first-year teacher (picture concerned parents on Back to School Night asking, "So what's 'DIRT'??" after reading over their student's schedule). Oh, well. At least my students liked the name.
During my eighth grade year, this fifteen-minute period took place immediately after lunch and was a welcome break from the strenuous academic demands placed on me throughout the rest of the school day. For me, SSR was right before geometry, and let’s just say I needed the downtime to be able to endure that class. Books and magazines were always available to students who did not bring reading material, and I frequently chose to read old issues of Reader’s Digest because their stories are short enough to read and enjoy in fifteen minutes, and they always include several sections of jokes and humorous anecdotes.
Though I have fond memories of my Reader’s Digest days, I probably haven’t read one since. Well, friends, I’ve been missing out. I was recently notified that I had frequent flyer miles that were about to expire, and the only items worth purchasing with them were magazines, one of which was my old pal Reader’s Digest. The magazine is still filled with short, interesting stories and humorous quotes, jokes, and anecdotes, a few of which I’d like to share to brighten your day :).

Struck a chord with me and reminded me of Job 2:8-10 (below)...
“If I don’t ask ‘Why me?’ after my victories, I cannot ask ‘Why me?’ after my setbacks and disasters.”
-Arthur Ashe

⁸Then Job sat on the ash-heap to show his sorrow. And while he was scraping his sores with a broken piece of pottery, ⁹his wife asked, "Why do you still trust God? Why don't you curse him and die?"
¹⁰Job replied, "Don't talk like a fool! If we accept blessings from God, we must accept trouble as well." In all that happened, Job never once said anything against God.


Totally agree...
“Have you ever noticed that when people use the expression ‘I have to say,’ what follows usually needn’t be said?”
-Richard Russo, writer

Describes me perfectly...well, except the money part...
“People always ask me if I come from money. I actually come from coupons.”
-Wendy Liebman, comic

Just made me laugh...
“I think my goldfish has seizures,” a man tells the veterinarian.
“He seems fine now,” says the vet.
“Now, sure. But wait till I take him out of the bowl.”

Bizarrely funny...
Only two people in the entire world still speak the ancient language of Ayapaneco. Luckily, they live in the same small town in Mexico. Sadly, they’re not talking to each other. The reason, says a linguist: “They don’t have a lot in common.”
-Source: Guardian (England)