To use an oft-quoted line from one of my favorite movies, “Mawwage is what bwings us together today.” Zack told me not to write a post about him, but I’m pretty sure he just didn’t want you all to know how awesome he is. Sorry, babe.
I unbiasedly would like to point out that I have the best husband in the world. And we totally have our issues. Especially with all that we’ve gone through in the past year and a half, the silent treatment (him), yelling (me), nagging, arguing, and insensitivity, to name a few, are no strangers in our house. Are you kidding me?!? Acting like you’ve got it all together in marriage, whatever the heck that means, is so over-rated. You never fight? Sure, I believe you. But I also believe you’re going to explode one day and I pity the man or woman who’s around to clean up that mess. Let’s all stop trying to pretend we’re perfect and we’d be a whole lot happier and healthier.
Speaking from the perspective of being married all of two-and-a-half years, a drop in the bucket compared to people like my grandparents, and from watching and learning from couples I respect and want to imitate, one of the most important things you can do in a healthy marriage is simply to be open.
1 John 1:7 NCV "But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God's Son, cleanses us from every sin."
Put all your dirty laundry out there, to your spouse and to others. It’s not easy, but it’s helped us immensely, and I hope we never stop working at it.
I’ve also learned how important it is to look for and acknowledge your husband’s strengths rather than always harping on his weaknesses, problems, mistakes, and, let’s face it ladies, ways he’s not like you. Though I take that back: have I really learned it if I keep having to be knocked over the head with it week after week? Maybe it would be more accurate to say I’m learn-ing.
With that said, Zack is encouraging, fun to be around, joyful, honest, affectionate, eager to help, patient, forgiving of people’s faults, hard-working, and passionate. Most importantly, he loves God and he loves me, even though I'm often *surprisingly* difficult to love. Does he always exude these characteristics? No way. He gets sad, angry, and beat down by life, just like any of us. But I’ve watched him grow in tremendous ways over the past year and a half. Having your wife almost die, get diagnosed with a rare, life-threatening disease, and then receive a bone marrow transplant will tend to do that to a person.
Yet his decision to grow was not inevitable. There are times in life when God gives us a choice between misery and peace, between bitterness and trusting him. Have you looked around lately? Many people choose the former.
Zack chose the latter, and in the words of Robert Frost, that has made all the difference.
I unbiasedly would like to point out that I have the best husband in the world. And we totally have our issues. Especially with all that we’ve gone through in the past year and a half, the silent treatment (him), yelling (me), nagging, arguing, and insensitivity, to name a few, are no strangers in our house. Are you kidding me?!? Acting like you’ve got it all together in marriage, whatever the heck that means, is so over-rated. You never fight? Sure, I believe you. But I also believe you’re going to explode one day and I pity the man or woman who’s around to clean up that mess. Let’s all stop trying to pretend we’re perfect and we’d be a whole lot happier and healthier.
Speaking from the perspective of being married all of two-and-a-half years, a drop in the bucket compared to people like my grandparents, and from watching and learning from couples I respect and want to imitate, one of the most important things you can do in a healthy marriage is simply to be open.
1 John 1:7 NCV "But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God's Son, cleanses us from every sin."
Put all your dirty laundry out there, to your spouse and to others. It’s not easy, but it’s helped us immensely, and I hope we never stop working at it.
I’ve also learned how important it is to look for and acknowledge your husband’s strengths rather than always harping on his weaknesses, problems, mistakes, and, let’s face it ladies, ways he’s not like you. Though I take that back: have I really learned it if I keep having to be knocked over the head with it week after week? Maybe it would be more accurate to say I’m learn-ing.
With that said, Zack is encouraging, fun to be around, joyful, honest, affectionate, eager to help, patient, forgiving of people’s faults, hard-working, and passionate. Most importantly, he loves God and he loves me, even though I'm often *surprisingly* difficult to love. Does he always exude these characteristics? No way. He gets sad, angry, and beat down by life, just like any of us. But I’ve watched him grow in tremendous ways over the past year and a half. Having your wife almost die, get diagnosed with a rare, life-threatening disease, and then receive a bone marrow transplant will tend to do that to a person.
Yet his decision to grow was not inevitable. There are times in life when God gives us a choice between misery and peace, between bitterness and trusting him. Have you looked around lately? Many people choose the former.
Zack chose the latter, and in the words of Robert Frost, that has made all the difference.
Thank you for sharing this, Becky. You are amazingly articulate at 5 a.m.! But seriously, Zack has weaknesses????? Never knew. *You* though - - - no way!
ReplyDeleteI love you. Zack, too.
And thankful for both of you beyond words.
Aunt Holly
Well said....fair and out there. You two have figured it out....but as you well state you can never ever stop working at it. Admitting and acknowledging is a huge part....then working hard and wanting it to work. Thanks for sharing...even if Zack doesn't like to have all this posted. You both are an inspiration over and over again. Love, Aunt Deb
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