I'm beeping

Currently and for the next 2-4 weeks, I’m restricted to a 20’ x 20’ hospital room and attached to an IV pole 24 hours a day, which makes the radius of my circle of movement about 4 feet. If you know me well, you know I’m not one to sit still, so you can imagine the difficulty these restrictions have created! Small tasks such as walking to the bathroom have become multi-step processes involving a great deal of brainpower. No joke. In order to walk to the bathroom, I have to unplug RP (if I need help, I ask Zack to “unplug me,” which makes me feel like a half-machine, half-human futuristic being), roll him over the poorly-designed bathroom doorway (I’ve almost tipped him over several times, which would be fairly catastrophic), maneuver him to use the sink, roll him back over the tricky doorway, position him close enough to the bed to allow me some movement, and replug him in. Whew! I’m exhausted just typing that process out, let alone executing it.

Another joy of being plugged in 24/7 is the incessant beeping that these machines emit. At any given time, I’m hooked up to three machines, two that administer fluid and medications and one, called a PCA, that administers pain meds. If there’s an occlusion in the line, the fluid or medication is finished, or, most likely, the machine is just being ornery, the machine will emit a loud and highly annoying beeping sound. Each machine has a button you can press to silence the alarm, but it only lasts about 10-20 seconds. Since I can’t leave the room, I have to press a call button to have a nurse come in and fix the problem. When the nurse at the front desk answers the call and asks, “How can we help you, Becky?,” I answer, “I’m beeping.” This phrase has always struck me as odd, but to the nurses it’s as normal as me asking, “Can you bring me my evening meds?” or “May I have a band-aid?”

So if someday we’re hanging out, an alarm happens to sound in the background, and I absentmindedly reach to press an imaginary button while mumbling, “I’m beeping,” you’ll know I’m not losing my mind :).