You Got My Back?

The other most challenging issue I’ve been dealing with since transplant has been my increasing body weakness, specifically in my legs and back. Medical steroids cause “muscle wasting,” and the higher the dose, the greater the muscle loss. Even exercising for about 30 minutes daily, including a combination of weights, yoga, and/or balance and cardio exercises, isn’t enough to enable me to maintain my muscle tone, let alone increase it. This experience is frustrating, especially to someone who’s played sports and worked out her whole life! To go from running a few times a week and generally being quite active to not being able to squat down to lift a pizza from the oven is a sobering and discouraging experience.

Being the genius that I am, I tried to help Zack push the couch over a few weeks ago and strained my back. I’m definitely guilty of trying to be Superwoman at times ;), but this time I wasn’t; I was just doing something I would normally do! Ever since then, my back has been extremely sensitive and has started periodically spasming, and I’ve had to learn to ask for help with simple tasks I would normally complete without a second thought. It’s been such a humbling experience to ask for help opening a drawer, reaching the paper towels, or even lifting a bowl out of the fridge. As challenging as this new development has been, Zack and others have helped me to see the good that can come out of this situation, which is referenced in my favorite scripture in 2 Corinthians 1:8-9:

8 We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.

I know God wants me to learn to rely on him and other people through this whole experience, which is one of my greatest weaknesses. And like the situation with my blood sugar, straining my back has given me a whole new level of understanding and compassion for people who deal with chronic back pain. Thankfully, I start physical therapy next week and am hopeful that my back will slowly improve, along with everything else!

It’s helped me to see taking care of my body as my full-time job right now. The things I’m doing to take care of myself are things I would be paid a full-time salary to do if I were managing someone else’s health needs! When I look at my life from this perspective, I feel way more productive and focused, rather than feeling like managing my health needs is a huge disruption to my life and career. For now, when completing surveys that require me to list my career, I think instead of “Education” I’ll start checking the box next to “Medical.” :)