I'm beeping

Currently and for the next 2-4 weeks, I’m restricted to a 20’ x 20’ hospital room and attached to an IV pole 24 hours a day, which makes the radius of my circle of movement about 4 feet. If you know me well, you know I’m not one to sit still, so you can imagine the difficulty these restrictions have created! Small tasks such as walking to the bathroom have become multi-step processes involving a great deal of brainpower. No joke. In order to walk to the bathroom, I have to unplug RP (if I need help, I ask Zack to “unplug me,” which makes me feel like a half-machine, half-human futuristic being), roll him over the poorly-designed bathroom doorway (I’ve almost tipped him over several times, which would be fairly catastrophic), maneuver him to use the sink, roll him back over the tricky doorway, position him close enough to the bed to allow me some movement, and replug him in. Whew! I’m exhausted just typing that process out, let alone executing it.

Another joy of being plugged in 24/7 is the incessant beeping that these machines emit. At any given time, I’m hooked up to three machines, two that administer fluid and medications and one, called a PCA, that administers pain meds. If there’s an occlusion in the line, the fluid or medication is finished, or, most likely, the machine is just being ornery, the machine will emit a loud and highly annoying beeping sound. Each machine has a button you can press to silence the alarm, but it only lasts about 10-20 seconds. Since I can’t leave the room, I have to press a call button to have a nurse come in and fix the problem. When the nurse at the front desk answers the call and asks, “How can we help you, Becky?,” I answer, “I’m beeping.” This phrase has always struck me as odd, but to the nurses it’s as normal as me asking, “Can you bring me my evening meds?” or “May I have a band-aid?”

So if someday we’re hanging out, an alarm happens to sound in the background, and I absentmindedly reach to press an imaginary button while mumbling, “I’m beeping,” you’ll know I’m not losing my mind :).

Never give up

I read a really cool scripture this morning and wanted to share it:

John 1:5 New Living Translation (NLT)
"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it."

No matter how dark things may get, as long as we are determined to trust God and not give up, the darkness can’t overpower us. Even though I can’t control what’s happening in my body right now (my mom and I were joking about how we wish there was some special X-ray to see everything going on inside me as the chemo does its nasty business and the new marrow starts to graft), I can control my attitude. Will I let this craziness, for lack of a better word, get the best of me or choose to believe and be grateful for the good things? I’m choosing the latter :).

What did we do before the Internet?

Since the transplant two days ago, I’m now restricted to my room and hooked up to my friend RP (my IV pole for those of you who haven’t been keeping up with the blog :P) 24 hours a day. My energy is decreasing as my immune system slowly dwindles down to zero, so at least that makes it easier to be cooped up in here. My doctors joke with me about how many gadgets we have in my room, but I seriously don’t know what people who got BMTs did with themselves before the Internet! We have 2 Macbooks, an iPad, an iPod nano (we’re not big Apple fans as you can see), a Blackberry, an EVO, a portable CD player, a TV, a DVD player, and a Wii, and we use all of them except for the CD player pretty much every day.

Last night I had to stay up an hour or so later than usual because of some IV drugs the doctors gave me, so I decided to do a little late night online shopping. After watching Sister Act last night with some friends, I rediscovered how awesome it is and decided that I had to own both Sister Act 1 and 2. Turns out Amazon was selling the two together on one DVD for only $14 with free shipping! Well, free shipping if you spent $25, so naturally I had to find more items to buy :). If you ever use Amazon, you know that wasn’t difficult. And, not that I feel the need to justify my purchase, but online shopping is perfect because everything I bring in here has to be new or able to be thoroughly wiped down. A half hour and $12 later, I was happy as a clam and should be receiving my package within the next week! :)

At the risk of looking rather foolish, I’ll share a conversation I had with my doctor about all this technology. After walking in to see Zack, my mom, and me all on our laptops, he was yet again teasing me about how many gadgets we own. We were talking about what people did who got transplants before the Internet, and then I asked incredulously, “What about before TV?”
For a second we looked at each other in mock horror, but my smart doctor laughingly responded, “Transplants didn’t start happening until the 1970s, so they always had TV!”

I’m just glad he caught me before I asked what people did before radio.

Are you the dad or the brother?

There are two things that don't necessarily fit about Becky being at LPCH.  One, she is at a children's hospital.  Two, apart from mothers giving birth, usually the people who get admitted don't have husbands.

So one night I came to LPCH around 9 p.m. and headed straight to get my visitor badge from security.  They go ahead and start asking me the questions I've answered for about a year now.

"Where are you going?"

"Last name?"

"Have you been exposed to the nasal flu vaccine?"

"What is the PIN # for your debit card?"

"Blah blah blah..."

Okay, they don't ask you about your pin, but you get the picture.  They obviously ask these questions to screen out people who don't need to be there.  I, however, am a peson who needs to be here.  So one night I get a question I have never heard before.  

"What is your relation to the patient?"

"I'm the husband," I reply confidently.

The guard gives me a confused look back and starts writing down my information.  He then asks me, "Are you the father?"

Reaching my patience limit, I decide to say, "Yes, I am the father" in my most adult voice, hoping that if I just answer the question, he will grant me access to see my wife.  He gives me my badge and I am as happy as a kid in a candy store.  Though glad I got my golden ticket, I walk away chuckling under my breath, wondering what question I will get asked next.

Later that day while I was lying down on the couch, someone asked Becky if I was her brother.  I heard this and just smiled and shook my head.  

So for the record, I am not the father or brother.  I am Becky's husband :) 

What a bone marrow transplant looks like

For those of you who don't know a bone marrow transplant can be as exciting as getting fluids in an IV bag.  Some of you may think she is in surgery and it is this delicate dance of knifery in a surgeons hand.  I'm sorry to disappoint but this is far from the case.  

LPCH likes to think of this as Becky's birthday as she is getting new life.  So drop a quick comment below and wish her a happy birthday :)

If you're curious on what it looks like look at click on the link below and see:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/6735510/Marrow.jpg

Bill Cosby > pain meds?

I don't know anyone who likes to feel pain.  Becky is no exception to the rule.  One day away from transplant and Becky has started to feel pain.  I can't really blame her body.  Much like Black Friday shoppers destroy Target the day after Thanksgiving, numerous rounds of chemotherapy have destroyed her bone marrow, and the product of this process can be messy and painful.

Since this morning, Becky has had various waves of pain ranging from irritating to intense.  She has since then been put on a machine to help manage her pain.  The odd thing is, I'm not sure it has been the drugs that have helped her.  When Becky started feeling sick I decided to put on Bill Cosby.  She then started to giggle and feel better.  She smiled and you could see the pain begin to roll off her like rain off a rain repellant jacket.  At first I just attributed the fact that she was feeling better to the drugs.  But can modern medicine give us more than Bill Cosby?  The question will have to be debated between new age medicine and modern medicine.

Shout out to the service Rdio.  They have all of Bill Coby's work on demand.  So for those of you who are frantically converting your tapes to CD or ripping your CDs to give them to Becky, I urge you not to do so.  With our handy dandy friend Rdio we have Bill Cosby at our fingertips :)

Massage Throwdown: LPCH vs. ESSJ

One of the many perks of being in the hospital (yes, there are many, though it’s much easier to find and appreciate them when you’re not feeling that crummy) is this wonderful thing called Massage Therapy. Translation: 30 minute to 1 hour massages specifically aligned to your needs provided by highly trained and experienced massage therapists for free. Technically my insurance company is paying them, but I don’t see the bill so it feels free :).

Now to this throwdown business. First, ESSJ stands for East Side San Jose, which I’m proud to say I’m from (actually south side, but I went to school in the east side district, so I still count it). And LPCH is Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital, where I’m staying. During a massage I had last week, the massage therapist and I somehow got on the topic of the training hours that are required to practice massage therapy in various parts of the state. I won’t go into it here, but let’s just say the requirements are WIDELY different from city to city, which seems bizarre and even dangerous! I mentioned to the massage therapist that I have gotten several massages at a place in east side San Jose, and she started asking me a few questions. She was appalled at some of the things I told her, including the price, which is less than a quarter of what she charges! Long story short, I’m going to have to bust out my best persuasive skills to convince Zack to let me go back to this spot.

So who wins in the massage throwdown between LPCH and ESSJ? In the cost category, east side wins easily, and they also soak your feet in hot water during the first part of the massage, which I have to say is really nice :). But in every other category, LPCH massage therapy throws down. I must conclude with a shout out to my fellow Bobby Flay fans.

“So to all you massage therapists out there, keep doing what you do. But ask yourself this: are you ready for a throwdown?”

Props to scrappers

To all the scrapbookers out there, known in their inner circle as “scrappers,” I salute you.

I’ve made several digital scrapbooks and calendars over the past couple years, the kind you can make cheaply and easily through Shutterfly, Snapfish, etc. The latest Zack and I made was through Mixbook, but that’s because there was an awesome Groupon for it :).

Anyway, those are great, but a couple months before being admitted, I had the idea to make a real scrapbook. You know the kind that have real pictures and real paper and stuff? Hard to imagine in this digital age, but they do exist (and are in fact flourishing; Michaels has about 7 aisles dedicated to them). I shared this idea with a few of my friends, and scrapbooking supplies started pouring out of the woodwork. This was fortunate for me, because I had NO IDEA how many supplies I would need to undertake this massive project, nor how expensive all these supplies would be if I had to purchase them all! Before I knew it, our entire kitchen table (including the 2 foot removable leaf) was covered in scrapbooking supplies. Paper, hole punches, special scissors, stickers, more paper, paper cutters and tracers, stamps, photo corners, even more paper, borders, letters, and did I mention paper? Zack was a great sport about all this by the way :).

I soon found that scrapbooking is an incredibly time-consuming process and requires a HUGE amount of thought and creativity! As I worked on the scrapbook with my friends, all of the stereotypes I had before this project quickly turned into a profound respect for scrappers. Not only is scrapbooking fun and productive, it can provide a quiet time of relaxation and reflection as you look through your pictures and see how they all come together to represent your life. You had no idea scrapbooking was that deep, did you? :)

Am I now a scrapper? Will I join the ranks of those addicted to circle cutters, stickers, and other amazingly cool accessories? We’ll see if Zack is willing to give up the kitchen table.

Gratitude

Colossians 2:6-7
“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

I know we’re trying to keep this blog light-hearted, but I also want to be serious for a moment and write about a few of the things I’m grateful for since being here. We’ve probably all heard how it helps you to find little things to be grateful for even in the midst of hardship, but I can’t emphasize enough how much that is true.

This morning I was out praying while walking the hallway (my power-walks have been rescheduled to evening since I’m now hooked up every morning at 3 am for extra hydration) and I was thinking about all these “little” things that I’m grateful for. First of all, I am so thankful that I’m being treated in the LPCH stem cell unit. The nurses, doctors, and staff are amazing, both as medical experts and human beings. Yesterday, my doctor told me that my liver function numbers are almost normal, which hasn’t happened in over a year. I’ve been able to feel fairly strong and eat well since being here, and though it won’t last forever, it’s a huge and unexpected blessing! Despite waking up multiple times a night, I’m getting 6-7 hours of sleep, which is unheard of for me during all of my last hospital stays. I got cute new covers for my Vader mask (I’m open to new name suggestions BTW), one with butterflies and one with stars, which of course I have to switch out to match my outfit :). One of the psychiatrists did a progressive muscle relaxation session with me and my friend yesterday, which was very helpful and a great resource to use down the road for anxiety and nausea. The list goes on and on...

More than any of these things, I’m grateful for your prayers, love, and support. Zack and I are overwhelmed by the offers to help, emails, cards, prayers, meals, etc. we’ve received not only from close friends and family but from people we don’t even know well, and you provide us with so much strength and encouragement.

Okay, okay, now that I’ve sufficiently cheese-balled this post, back to the funny stuff :).

Don't Chase Waterfalls

Today isn't only Valentine's day but marks one week of Becky being admitted.  As I type this, Becky is receiving a massage to some relaxing music and has the biggest smile on her face.  Think of the most content smile and that is what Becky has on her face right now.  Though I can't take credit for buying her a massage, I always encourage her to get one :)

Here on the stem cell unit, they take hand washing to the next level.  So you know how most people wash their hands for like ten seconds and think that is a diligent job? That doesn't cut it here. I know the majority of people reading this blog wash their hands between five and ten seconds, so I implore you to wash for at least twenty seconds. But getting back to the story, once a day to come onto the unit I have to scrub down using a sponge.

This is no ordinary sponge.  This sponge has bristles that are meant to scrub between your fingernails.  Not using common sense, I thought I was supposed to scrub with the bristles all over my hands.  That was a huge mistake.  I quickly developed five small cuts on my knuckles and hands.  Then every time I would eventually use a anti-bacterial solution, my hands were left with this feeling of being sunburnt.  The alcohol from the solution covered my micro cuts and set them on fire.

Much like a person who has roamed the desert craves for a fresh water spring, my hands thirsted for a waterfall of lotion.  Using the lotion has helped my hands recover.  Also I've learned not use the bristles on every inch of my hand, but rather only in the nooks and crannies where germs may hide.  Since not using the bristles, I no longer have to chase after lotion like it were a waterfall.  I just have to remember to use the other side of the sponge.

Training for a marathon...in the hallway

The first two days here, I was hooked up 24 hours a day to RP, affectionately known otherwise as Roley Poley, Poley Slims, Slim Shady, etc. Needless to say, dragging a 30 lb. pole with various electronic equipment and bags of fluid and antibiotics attached slows one down a bit. Between dragging the pole and having to wear my Darth Vader mask, getting exercise through walking was proving quite a challenge. Oh, and did I mention that it takes 20-30 seconds to walk from one end of the stem cell unit hallway to the other?

Not one to be easily deterred, I was able to convince my doctors to unhook me from RP for a few hours a day, so for the last several mornings I’ve been going on early morning “power-walks.” Power-walking around a U-shaped hallway the length of a half a basketball court is no small feat. The first morning, the nurses looked at me like I was a madwoman because they thought I kept running back and forth from my room to get something! I told them to get used to it because I’d have to pass them quite a few times in the next 20 minutes :).

A couple days ago, the second day of my power-walk marathon training, I was in the middle of my run when Zack decided to join me. He soon found that my mad power-walking skills were too much for him and was about to respectfully bow out, when I challenged him to a walk-off. Never one to shy away from a competition, Zack accepted the challenge and we took our positions. We soon caught the attention of the nurses, and one offered to be the referee while the others watched in eager anticipation. Sadly, I was beaten in this race, but Zack concedes that what he has in speed I have in endurance, which is what I’ll need in this marathon :).

10 points to whoever can find the Zoolander reference in this post.

Prayer Requests

We've added  prayer requests on the right side of the blog.  So if you have a free moment please pray for the things we put for Becky.  Thanks :)

Hospital food stereotypes debunked!

I'm the first to agree with the stereotypes about hospital food. We all know them: bland, nasty-looking, foul-smelling, you get the idea. But I have seriously been impressed with about 80% of the food they've served me so far! It probably helps that I'm not nauseated yet, but regardless, I'm pleasantly surprised.
Here are the meals I (or my parents or Zack) have enjoyed so far:

Shanghai noodles. Had these for lunch today, and they're #1 for sure. What are they, you ask? Asian noodles served with tender beef, crisp bok choy, red pepper, and onions all covered in a tangy teriyaki sauce. Am I making you salivate? ;)

Other winners:
Chicken tenders and French fries, though the fries are inconsistent in their quality and the cafeteria has a strange concept of serving size. Once we got a huge pile and another time we literally got 5.

New England clam chowder. I highly doubt its "New England" authenticity, but it was creamy and potato-ey (probably just made up a word) and was quite delicious when paired with the whole wheat dinner roll.

Organic ranch dressing. Would you believe the hospital is jumping on the organic bandwagon? Crazy, huh? I'm very picky about my ranch dressing (who else thinks Wishbone ranch tastes like medicine?).

Breakfast potatoes. They're probably loaded with butter, since my stomach hurt after eating them, but they're seasoned well and browned perfectly. Good stuff.

I must say that watching the Food Network has expanded my food vocabulary and appreciation for "good eats." Thank you Alton Brown ;).

The friend who goes everywhere

The other night Becky was talking to someone and mentioned she had a friend that went everywhere with her.  Naturally I thought about myself.  I said to myself "How sweet of her."  I had a small smile on my face.  When Becky then said that the friend that followed her was her pole.
I felt like the kid who got picked last on the team.  Head hung down and feeling defeated.  But I'm glad to know Becky has a friend like her pole :)
Becky wanted to ask a special request of all of you who are following the blog.  What should she name her pole?  Give suggestions as comments below.

Microwave Mishaps

I’m an American, so naturally I’m skilled in the art of using microwaves. However, the hospital microwave is on a whole different level than any of the microwaves I’ve used in the past. The thing probably boils water in 10 seconds and cooks meat in 20, because yesterday it burnt the pepperoni on my leftover pizza (did you even know microwaves could do that??) in 25. Scary.

So yesterday around 9 pm I got a random craving for instant mac and cheese :), and since I’m on a regular diet still (whoo hoo!), I’m trying to live it up. Zack and I went to the kitchen to heat it up, me in my Darth Vader mask and he in his pjs, and I stuck in the regular amount of water and macaroni for 3 minutes, the time listed on the packet. After 2 minutes and 30 seconds had passed, I suddenly remembered the microwave’s extreme heating tendency and lunged to open the door! I was too late. The water had spilled over and then evaporated, leaving a white film on the microwave glass plate that Zack proceeded to wipe down, and the noodles were dry and clumpy. Never one to waste food, I tried to salvage the remains by adding the cheese sauce packet. Three minutes of stirring later, it was still pretty clumpy.

So the question remains: did I still attempt to eat it? You’ll never know...;)

Underwater voice

When you come to LPCH the first thing you notice is you need to get a badge.  This badge is your clearance to come in.  One guard last year told me "they were protecting me from the scum of the earth."  I don't know exactly what kind of scum come into LPCH but who knows.


I entered LPCH when I heard this voice which I could only describe as someone drowning.  As each vowel came out of his mouth you could hear him struggling to ennunciate each word.  The amount of phlegm in his throat I imagined was like half a jar of ketchup.  You know how ketchup gets stuck in the bottle and you shake the bottle hoping for something to come out and nothing does.  This is how this man made me feel.  I wanted to do anything I could to get him to clear his throat. He asked me where I was going and where I was headed but I was distracted from him just talking to me.  Somehow I got through the security guard who should have auditioned for The Little Mermaid.  


On a more serious note Becky has been feeling pretty good.  This is the second day of treatment and everything is going to plan.  Becky is still making to-do lists, which if you know her she does like breathing.  She's in great spirits and ready for what tomorrow brings.

I don't want no hugs

For all my fellow fans of the recently released The Other Guys with Will Ferrell and Mark Walhberg, I hope you appreciate my title’s reference to TLC. If you haven’t seen the movie, shame on you. Just kidding. But seriously, see the movie.

Now to put your curiosity to rest and explain my title :): I found out that the treatment protocol I’m receiving for this type of bone marrow transplant (BMT) is extremely immuno-suppressive, even more than a typical BMT, which is saying a lot. So basically, me catching a cold = 3 extra weeks in the hospital. I’m sorry, but as much as I like visitors, seeing someone who’s sick is NOT worth an extended vacation here! We’ve already told people not to come if they have any symptoms (cough, runny nose, unusual fatigue, body aches, etc.), but just to play it safe I think I’m going to avoid hugging visitors, especially people who work with/have small children.

So if I sidestep and/or Zack tries to tackle you if you attempt to hug me, please don’t be offended. No hug is worth that much! :)

Defending my make-up purchase

Not that this is news to any of you, but I have a pretty amazing husband. However, I do feel the need to explain this whole make-up situation that he described yesterday, because as most of you know it was was very out of character for me! :)

We were both about to offer a polite decline of whatever they were selling, when it hit me! I need to throw all my make-up away after the transplant since it's full of bacteria! So in about 5 seconds I went from totally uninterested to fully immersed in their presentation; I was basically the ideal customer :). The make-up is mineral-based and fairly high-quality, and they were offering one of those crazy good deals that Estee Lauder, Clinique, etc. have at Macy's all the time where you buy one item and get 10 times as many for free as part of a "gift set." This gift set happened to include all the items I need to replace, so it was perfect. I felt like it was just one more way that God was encouraging me before the transplant. Yes, it's true; God can encourage you through make-up.

Brunch, saleswoman and checking in

Becky and I went on a brunch date and were grateful we had a beautiful day to do so. Stacks in Menlo Park was our destination.  Becky had the blueberry germ pancake while I had the chili cheese fries.  Some may say that is typical Becky eating healthy or typical Zack eating carelessly.  I say neither, because we shared :)

We had half an hour to go until we needed to be at the hospital.  We decided to go for a stroll to kill the time.  On our walk some women approached Becky with some plastic bags in hand and started a sales pitch.  You could instantly see who the ringleader was.  She salivated from the mouth like a dog for a steak because she saw the opportunity to make a sale.  The other two sat there in jealousy of the leader's boldness. I proceeded to roll my eyes and started looking at my phone hoping that by the time I looked up they would be gone.  The woman went on about minerals this, these brushes have that, this is how much of a discount you get when you buy right now.  Suddenly Becky looked at me as if she were a child who never received a gift.  I gave a smile back and said sure, in my most content face.  Becky then wrote them a check.  The girl who wrote down the order was a nervous wreck but eventually gave Becky her receipt.  After Becky got her makeup bag she glowed like a beautiful afternoon sun which was a good enough reason to get the makeup.

Getting admitted to the hospital is a lot like checking into a hotel.  Actually, I have had a more pleasant experience checking into hospitals than some hotels.  After about an hour and a half of unpacking we are settled in for what seems like will be a marathon.  Ups and downs with good and hard times ahead. We've prepared for months mentally, physically and spiritually.  If there is anyone ready to go through this Becky is.