Not So Irrational Fears

I think everyone experiences the occasional moment of feeling a bump on your toe and thinking it’s terminal cancer, or of having a case of intestinal upset and imagining you have a thirty-foot-long tapeworm (it happens-I saw it in an episode of House). But the truth is, those situations are extremely rare, so rare that we acknowledge those thoughts are most likely completely irrational and untrue. But what about when you’ve been in that 1 in a million situation not just once, but many times? What do you do when the “irrational” thoughts you pushed aside because they were just that, irrational, turned out to be true? How do you handle those thoughts in the future?

My fears are not usually constant, but they are extreme. When most people develop a side cramp, they think dehydration. I think liver failure, because that was the cause of my sudden debilitating side cramp two years ago. When most people feel an ache in their hip, they think it’s a temporary problem caused by sleeping on the wrong side of the bed or sitting for too long. I suspect mine is a permanent problem caused by long-term steroid use and alleviated only by pain medication and hip replacement.

This morning I went to the bathroom after waking up and noticed that my urine was a slightly darker color than usual, and a wave of fearful thoughts swept over me. But I’m doing so well! Why is this happening?? I can’t face it if something else is wrong with me! I have to face the fact that what are irrational fears for most people are very real possibilities for me. But I need to also acknowledge the facts that I can often ignore, such as the fact that, with the exception of my achy bones and occasional fatigue, I am feeling quite well almost all the time. I’m faced with the issue of how to acknowledge the reality of these fears without letting them overwhelm and control me.

As I prayed about these fears this morning, I reflected on many people in the Bible who also had these fears that proved to be quite rational considering their circumstances. They didn’t gain comfort from telling themselves that these things wouldn’t happen; they gained comfort from their belief that God would stand by their side through these possible challenges and give them the strength to endure. David was one of these people, and here are two psalms that he wrote:

Psalm 46:1-3 NIV
God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.

Psalm 27:3-4 CEV

Armies may surround me,

   but I won’t be afraid;

   war may break out,

   but I will trust you.

I ask only one thing, Lord:

Let me live in your house

   every day of my life

   to see how wonderful you are

   and to pray in your temple.